{"id":5838,"date":"2019-10-05T22:06:27","date_gmt":"2019-10-05T22:06:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/2019\/10\/05\/4-steps-to-use-fears-as-friends-don-t-be-a-th\/"},"modified":"2019-10-05T22:06:27","modified_gmt":"2019-10-05T22:06:27","slug":"4-steps-to-use-fears-as-friends-don-t-be-a-th","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/4-steps-to-use-fears-as-friends-don-t-be-a-th\/","title":{"rendered":"4 Steps To Use Fears As Friends   Don T Be A Th"},"content":{"rendered":"<div style=\"margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px;\" class=\"sharethis-inline-share-buttons\" ><\/div><p><body>&#13;<\/p>\n<div align=\"center\">&#13;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\">&#13;<br \/>\n  <img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" border=\"0\" src=\"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/abbtop.jpg\" width=\"800\" height=\"120\"\/><\/a><br \/><a 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class=\"style7\">&#13;<br \/>\n                <font color=\"#FB7014\" size=\"4\" face=\"Tahoma\">4 Steps to Use Fears as Friends:  Don\u0092t be a Thunder Dog!<\/font><\/span><\/div>\n<\/td>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n            <\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"left\" height=\"19\">\n<div align=\"justify\"><span class=\"style2\">by: &#13;<br \/>\n                <font size=\"3\" face=\"Times New Roman\" color=\"#FB7014\">Dan Ohler<\/font><\/span><\/div>\n<\/td>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n            <\/tr>\n<tr>\n<div id=\"article\">\n<td align=\"left\" height=\"12\"><span class=\"style2\">Imagine humungous, bulbous, billowing alto-cumulus clouds building higher and higher in the sky. They are as black as tar at the bottom and snowy white at the top. It looks as if we\u0092re in for a storm.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nCRACK, rumble, rumble, rumble. Use your imagination folks. That\u0092s thunder, not a malfunction of my keyboard.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nMy black and white Border Collie, Tip, catapults from her slumber, ears laid tight against her head, and she\u0092s off, full tilt, as fast as her legs will take her. Where is she going? She doesn\u0092t know. She\u0092s scared and she is just running. <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nDoes she have a safe place at home? Absolutely. She has a nice dog house that she uses for protection from the rain, snow, and coyotes that venture too close to the yard. But when there is thunder, she runs blindly. She is an incredibly intelligent dog, but under these circumstances, the expression \u0093as dumb as a sack of hoe handles\u0094 comes to mind. <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nYou may be thinking, \u0093Cute story but what does this have to do with me?\u0094 <\/p>\n<p><b>Ponder this.<\/b><\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nDoes a similar reaction happen for you? Something happens in your life (the something rhymes with \u0093it\u0094), and you jump to reaction mode, as if on autopilot? You know what I\u0092m talking about: angry outbursts, sarcasm, rudeness, aloofness, running away, or retreat. It doesn\u0092t make logical sense, and it doesn\u0092t get you the results you want, but you do it anyway. You are an intelligent human being, and yet, it still happens.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nWhy does this occur?<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nLet\u0092s have a quick look at how the brain works \u0096 in dogs and in you.<\/p>\n<p><b>Dog Noodle Notes (about Tip\u0092s brain)<\/b><\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nThe intense sound of the thunder is a nerve message that goes to Tip\u0092s brain. Her brain stem, the most primal part of her brain, receives the stimuli and determines that this loud sound could be a threat to her safety. A threat causes fear, and the brain stem instantaneously overrides all other brain systems and directs her body to do one of three things \u0096 fight, flight, or freeze. In Tip\u0092s case, it\u0092s flight. Is she really in danger of losing life or limb? Not a chance, but her brain doesn\u0092t know that.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nIf I am near Tip, and hear the thunder, there is a split second in which I can catch her attention, and encourage her to make a different choice \u0096 to go to the safety of her house. If I miss that chance, she\u0092s gone.<\/p>\n<p><b>People Noodle Notes (about your brain)<\/b><\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nAs a human, you have the same primal brain stem and it works exactly the same as Tip\u0092s. When you are hurt or frightened (physically, emotionally, or mentally), a message goes to your brain stem, the threat is recognized, fear is created, and you move into the same mode \u0096 fight, flight, or freeze. You lash out at yourself or others physically or verbally, cry, pout, become argumentative or defensive. You run, or at least leave. You retreat to your own space, and are unable to do anything constructive. You do and say things that you wish you hadn\u0092t, and the consequences of your reactions, over time, can completely destroy your relationships.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nI know this happens for you because the \u0093fear\u0094 and \u0093reaction mode\u0094 happens for me. <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nWhat is my reaction? Because of my personality style, I retreat, become aloof, and lose myself in my work. I become sarcastic and abrupt. <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nAm I this way to customers or friends? No way! I take it out on those closest to me \u0096 my wife Carol, my sons Jamie and Brad, or other family members, even though they may not have had anything to do with my fear.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nDoes it make logical sense? Not at all, but it happens, unless I am aware of what is going on and make a different conscious choice.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nJust like Tip, there is a split second in which I have the ability to let the message move past the brain stem to the cortex of my brain, which is the logical and spiritual part of my brain. The cortex processes the message, considers consequences, alternatives, feelings, and allows me to make a different choice for myself and others.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nThe same applies to you. <\/p>\n<p><b>How can you benefit from this knowledge?<\/b><\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nHere&#8217;s how.<\/p>\n<p><b>4 Steps to Use Fears as Friends <\/b><br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nThese are basic, not necessarily simple:<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n1. Notice that feeling of fear, disappointment, discouragement, hurt, or anger. It may be: tenseness of muscles, heat, perspiration, scowling, tears, clenched fists, rapid heartbeat, and lack of focus. These are some cues to let you know that fear is present.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n2. In that moment, STOP! Take a deep breath \u0096 or ten. This gives the stimulus enough time to be accepted by your rational cortex. Think about your reactive responses in the past to the same or similar experiences. Were you happy with the consequences and the effect on your relationships?  Do you want that to happen again?<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n3. Wave your magic wand. What is the \u0093best way\u0094 for this to turn out, and what actions can you take to achieve that desired outcome? Notice it says \u0093actions you take,\u0094 not what someone else should do.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n4. Choose and Act!!<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nYou are a human. You have fears. They show themselves as: anger, defensiveness, frustration, or a need to be right. The reactions are not healthy for you or your relationships. <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nThe truth is this: you are the captain of your ship! You are accountable for everything that happens in your life. You always have the power to make a choice &#8211; ALWAYS. And ultimately, not making a choice is still a choice.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nUse the fears as friends and follow the steps above. You will notice a dramatic improvement in your self-esteem and self-confidence. Watch your personal and business relationships soar.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nYou know that relationships are vitally important. Treat them with care. Genuine happiness is impossible without them. Don\u0092t be a thunder dog!<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nCopyright\u00a9 2005<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nDan Ohler is a relationship, change, and happiness specialist based near Edmonton, AB, Canada.  Dan\u0092s high-content keynotes, workshops, and comedy presentations help you and your organization excel.  <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nDan encourages change through insights &amp; humour.  Learn to apply the basics of human psychology, the natural laws that produce success.  Learn the secrets to create life-long flourishing relationships, and abounding success.  <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nTo book Dan for your next conference or event, get FREE articles, or to subscribe to his e-zine, \u0093Soaring Insights,\u0094 visit <a href:=\"\">Thinkin Outside The Barn<\/a><a\/> <\/p>\n<p><b>This article is free for republishing<\/b><\/p>\n<p><\/span><\/td>\n<\/div>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td class=\"article_bio\">Who is Dan Ohler?<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nDan is  based near Edmonton, AB, Canada. <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nAs a relationship, change, and happiness specialist, Dan uses high-content keynote presentations, workshops, and comedy presentations to help you and your organization excel.  <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nDan encourages change through insights &amp; humour.  You learn to apply the basics of human psychology \u0096 the natural laws that produce success.  <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nDan&#8217;s book,  &#8220;Thinkin&#8217; Outside The Barn And Steppin&#8217; Into Fresh B.S.&#8221; is about these natural laws, and how you can use them to positively change your life.   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