{"id":5871,"date":"2019-10-05T22:06:27","date_gmt":"2019-10-05T22:06:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/2019\/10\/05\/how-to-stop-the-fighting-in-your-relationship\/"},"modified":"2019-10-05T22:06:27","modified_gmt":"2019-10-05T22:06:27","slug":"how-to-stop-the-fighting-in-your-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/how-to-stop-the-fighting-in-your-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Stop The Fighting In Your Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"<div style=\"margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px;\" class=\"sharethis-inline-share-buttons\" ><\/div><p><body>&#13;<\/p>\n<div align=\"center\">&#13;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\">&#13;<br \/>\n  <img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" border=\"0\" src=\"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/abbtop.jpg\" width=\"800\" height=\"120\"\/><\/a><br \/><a 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class=\"style7\">&#13;<br \/>\n                <font color=\"#FB7014\" size=\"4\" face=\"Tahoma\">How To Stop The Fighting In Your Relationship<\/font><\/span><\/div>\n<\/td>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n            <\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"left\" height=\"19\">\n<div align=\"justify\"><span class=\"style2\">by: &#13;<br \/>\n                <font size=\"3\" face=\"Times New Roman\" color=\"#FB7014\">Dr Brenda Shoshanna<\/font><\/span><\/div>\n<\/td>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n            <\/tr>\n<tr>\n<div id=\"article\">\n<td align=\"left\" height=\"12\"><span class=\"style2\">Copyright 2005 Brenda Shoshanna<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nFor some couples fighting is the fire that keeps their relationships alive. It lets them know the other cares. Many are determined to win a battle that never ends. Others try to right the wrongs they have experienced in the past with someone new. Unfortunately, this kind of behavior is doomed to failure. When we bring baggage from a former relationship into the present, all new relationships simply become a continuation of the past.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nWhat People Get Out of Fighting<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nIt is important to understand why couples keep fighting. For some fighting is a fire that keeps their relationships alive. It lets them know the other cares, things aren\u0092t really over, and sparks still fly between them. Fighting can keep these couples bonded, causing them to think about each other a great deal. Some love power struggles. They love winning and feeling power over the other. This makes them feel strong.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nFighting can easily become a habit, something individuals fall into automatically and instinctively. Needless to say, fighting prevents real communication. Rather than addressing issues, it causes a situation to remain stuck.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n&#8220;Without a good fight, a relationship is over,\u0094 says Mary, a twenty six year old administrative assistant. \u0093The lights have gone off between us. It\u0092s a sign my partner no longer cares.\u0094   Mary, who was recently divorced and is now in another choppy relationship feels that eventually she\u0092ll marry a man with whom she can fight &#8211; and survive the storms. \u0093 I respect a guy who I can fight with, who can take me as I am.\u0094   For Mary being angry, fighting and winning has became her identity. Without it, she no longer knows who she truly is. She does not see price she is paying for this kind of relationship or what toll it takes on all concerned.   Unfortunately, the anger many individuals live with on a daily basis can become crystallized into their identity.  Needless to say, this blocks out much of the happiness, flexibility, communication and intimacy they desire.   \u0093I\u0092m not letting her walk all over me,\u0094 Roger would balk whenever his ex wife expressed her needs to him now, or brought up any issue. Rather than listening to what she had to say, he immediately took it as criticism. \u0093She\u0092s trying to tell me I\u0092m inadequate,\u0094 he would declare. The war was on. What started as a conversation, turned into a power struggle. From Roger\u0092s point of view, his very manhood was at stake.   However, as long as any of us hold onto our anger and continue fighting, there is no hope of working the problems through. Roger could not pause and realize that his partner\u0092s needs and feelings had nothing to do with him. He was determined to take whatever she said or did personally and keep feeling badly about himself.   However, it\u0092s impossible not to receive the fruits of what you have put forth. \u0093As you sow, so shall you reap,\u0094 is an immutable law of living. Although we may justify all kinds of behavior it is absolutely inevitable that we alll experience the consequences of our thoughts, actions and deeds.   There are many steps involved in letting go of anger. The very first is to realize that anger is a toxin. It is not a source of strength or power, but can become an addiction, something that hinders our well being and stops our life from going forward.   There are definite steps we can take to undo anger. Here are a few one can take to begin. They are taken from The Anger Diet which offers one step a day for thirty days. These following guidelines are simple, but powerful. Why not try them today and see.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nPutting An End To The War<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n1)Stop Blaming \u0096 While we are engaged in pointing a finger, and making the other feel guilty, we cannot see what is really going on. Blame is a way to keep the fight alive. TAKE A VACATION FROM BLAME FOR ONE DAY.  Instead of thinking of all the ways the person has hurt you keep your eyes open to watch how you may be stoking the fires. Focus upon what the person has done for you, instead, the ways in which they have been kind.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n2)Realize The Price You Are Paying For These Fights Unless we truly realize the terribly toll fighting is taking on us, we will continue it automatically.  Take note of the consequences each fight brings, what it is doing to your body, mind and spirit. Then ask, do I truly want this?  Haven\u0092t I suffered enough? Why not stop it today?<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n3) Choose To Be Happy Rather Than Right &#8211; This is the time to expand your view. Define success as being happy rather than being right. Learn other tools and techniques which will de-escalate anger and make a positive relationship possible..<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n4)Build A Strong Sense of Self-Worth                    The best defense against anger is feeling good about yourself. Build a  sense of self worth. Treat yourself beautifully and treat your partner beautifully as well. Let go of all that opposes this.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nAs we have the courage to let go of anger, not only does our health improve, but soon we notice many kinds of wonderful, new people and experiences entering our lives. We attract what we focus upon. When we focus upon well-being, forgiveness and love, that is what will fill our lives.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n&#8212;&#8212;<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nMelt away toxic feelings with Dr Shoshanna\u0092s new book, The Anger Diet, (30 Days To Stress Free Living.) Psychologist, speaker and relationship expert, Dr Shoshanna has provided the only diet you\u0092ll need \u0096 from anger. This diet shows us how to give up one form of anger a day and replace it with a healthy, constructive antidote. Discover how anger camouflages itself, pinpoint the 24 forms of anger, learn what to do when you\u0092re the subject of anger and much more.  Dr. Shohsanna is author of many books, including Zen Miracles (Finding Peace In An Insane World), Wiley, Zen and the Art of Falling in Love (Simon and Schuster), Save Your Relationship (21 Laws of Successful Relationships), Living By Zen, (Timeless Truths For Everyday Life)<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nContact Dr Shoshanna at <a href=\"http:\/\/www.brendashoshanna.com\/\">http:\/\/www.brendashoshanna.com<\/a> , or <a href=\"mailto:topspeaker@yahoo.com\">mailto:topspeaker@yahoo.com<\/a><\/p>\n<p><b>This article is free for republishing<\/b><\/p>\n<p><\/span><\/td>\n<\/div>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td class=\"article_bio\"\/>&#13;<br \/>\n            <\/tr>\n<\/table>\n<\/div>\n<p align=\"left\">\u00a0        <\/p>\n<p>&#13;\n      <\/td>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n    <\/tr>\n<\/table>\n<hr width=\"800\" noshade=\"noshade\"\/><a href=\"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/ADSENSEWEBSITES\">RETURN TO ADSENSE BUSINESS-IN-A-BOX MASTER ARTICLE INDEX<\/a><\/p>\n<hr width=\"800\" noshade=\"noshade\"\/>\n<div class=\"fb-share-button\" data-href=\"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/\" data-layout=\"button\" data-size=\"large\"><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/sharer\/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fon-line-interactivity.com%2F&amp;src=sdkpreparse\" class=\"fb-xfbml-parse-ignore\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Share<\/a><\/div>\n<p>&#13;<\/p>\n<div id=\"fb-root\"\/>&#13;<br \/>\n<script async=\"\" defer=\"defer\" crossorigin=\"anonymous\" src=\"https:\/\/connect.facebook.net\/en_US\/sdk.js#xfbml=1&amp;version=v4.0&amp;appId=103650273035821&amp;autoLogAppEvents=1\"\/><!-- End of FACEBOOK SHARE BUTTON CODE --><span class=\"style6\"><br \/><span class=\"style2\">\u00a92019 - All Rights Reserved by <a href=\"http:\/\/HelpMeFindFreedom.Online\">HelpMeFindFreedom.Online<\/a><br \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.website.ws\/kvmlm2\/my.dhtml?sponsor=geekzonehostingcom&amp;bannercode=gif002&amp;language=english\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/images.website.ws\/images\/english\/banners\/kvmlm2\/468x60_02.gif\" border=\"0\"\/><\/a><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n<\/body><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; \u00a0 &#13; \u00a0&#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; Article Navigation &#13; Back To &#13; Main Page &#13; &#13; &#13; \u00a0 &#13; Click Here &#13; for more articles &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; How To Stop The Fighting In Your Relationship &#13; [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5871","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-adsense-business-in-a-box"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5871","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5871"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5871\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5871"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5871"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5871"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}