{"id":5902,"date":"2019-10-05T22:06:27","date_gmt":"2019-10-05T22:06:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/2019\/10\/05\/speaking-your-truth-to-your-partner\/"},"modified":"2019-10-05T22:06:27","modified_gmt":"2019-10-05T22:06:27","slug":"speaking-your-truth-to-your-partner","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/speaking-your-truth-to-your-partner\/","title":{"rendered":"Speaking Your Truth To Your Partner"},"content":{"rendered":"<div style=\"margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px;\" class=\"sharethis-inline-share-buttons\" ><\/div><p><body>&#13;<\/p>\n<div align=\"center\">&#13;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\">&#13;<br \/>\n  <img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" border=\"0\" src=\"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/abbtop.jpg\" width=\"800\" height=\"120\"\/><\/a><br \/><a 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class=\"style7\">&#13;<br \/>\n                <font color=\"#FB7014\" size=\"4\" face=\"Tahoma\">Speaking Your Truth to Your Partner<\/font><\/span><\/div>\n<\/td>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n            <\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"left\" height=\"19\">\n<div align=\"justify\"><span class=\"style2\">by: &#13;<br \/>\n                <font size=\"3\" face=\"Times New Roman\" color=\"#FB7014\">Margaret Paul<\/font><\/span><\/div>\n<\/td>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n            <\/tr>\n<tr>\n<div id=\"article\">\n<td align=\"left\" height=\"12\"><span class=\"style2\"><br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nSpeaking Your Truth to Your Partner <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nBy Margaret Paul, Ph.D.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nMark sought my help because he was thinking of leaving his <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nwife, Linda. He had not been feeling in love with Linda for <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\na long time, but they had two children and he really didn&#8217;t <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nwant to break up the family. <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n&#8220;Mark,&#8221; I asked, &#8220;Were you ever in love with Linda?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n&#8220;Yes, at the beginning of our relationship.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n&#8220;Then what happened?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n&#8220;Linda seemed to get really insecure once I started my new <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nbusiness and had long work days. Even though I think I gave <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nher a lot of attention on the weekends, she started getting <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nangry pretty much every day. Then after our son was born, <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nshe seemed even more unhappy and irritable. She gets mean <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nwhen she&#8217;s angry and I just don&#8217;t find that appealing. I <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ndon&#8217;t feel close to her anymore.&#8221; <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n&#8220;Have you said anything to her about this?&#8221; I asked.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n&#8220;No,&#8221; he replied. &#8220;She already seems so unhappy. I don&#8217;t <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nwant to hurt her feelings.&#8221; <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n&#8220;So how do you handle it?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n&#8220;I guess I just sort of shut down and pretend that <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\neverything is okay. But I&#8217;m spending more and more time at <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nwork because I don&#8217;t like being at home and recently I met <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nanother woman that I&#8217;m attracted to. I realize I&#8217;ve got to <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ndo something about this.&#8221; <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n&#8220;Do you really think that leaving her will cause less hurt <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nthan telling her your truth?&#8221; <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n&#8220;Well, if I just leave then I don&#8217;t have to deal with her <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nhurt.&#8221; <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n&#8220;Mark, that&#8217;s a lack of courage and integrity. And you have <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ntwo children to think about. You once loved Linda and it&#8217;s <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\npossible that you could again, but only if you are willing <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nto be honest. You need to give Linda a chance to deal with <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nthis. She has no idea what&#8217;s going on. She might decide to <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ndeal with her anger, or she might not, but at least give her <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\na chance to make that decision. And relationship problems <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nare never one-sided. Perhaps she has things to say to you <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ntoo.&#8221; <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nMark decided to tell Linda the truth, even though he was <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nreally scared. He told her that her anger was pushing him <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\naway, and that he didn&#8217;t like being home anymore because he <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nfelt so blamed and controlled by her. He told her that he <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nwas attracted to another woman who was treating him with <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nkindness and caring, and that he wanted this from Linda. He <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ntold her he had been thinking of leaving and had sought my <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nhelp and that I told him to tell the truth. He asked her if <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nshe would join him in counseling. <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nLinda was shocked. She had no idea all this was going on <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nwith Mark. She thought she was the only one feeling so <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nunloved in the relationship. At first she reacted exactly as <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nMark feared, with anger, hurt, and blame. But he told her <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nthe truth about this too \u0096 that he had been afraid to be <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ntruthful with her because of this reaction, and that if she <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nwanted the truth, she need to be open to it rather than <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nclosed and angry. Finally Linda heard him and they were able <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nto talk honestly for the first time in years. Linda was <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nactually relieved at hearing the truth, once she got over <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nthe initial shock and they were able to talk. She agreed to <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ncounseling. <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nIn counseling, Mark discovered that Linda also had been <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nafraid to be honest with Mark, fearing that he would <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nwithdraw even more. She was just as afraid of his withdrawal <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nas he was of her anger. They discovered that both of them <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nhad been protecting against their fears rather than being <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nopen to learning with each other. As they both opened to <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nlearning, the love gradually came back into their <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nrelationship.  <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nPeople often believe that they are withholding their truth <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nto spare their partner pain, but their real intent is to <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nprotect themselves from the response they fear. Protecting <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nagainst pain \u0096 with anger, withdrawal, and blame &#8211; will <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nalways bring about the very pain we fear, while opening to <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nlearning and speaking our truth opens the door to love.   <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nAbout The Author:<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nMargaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nco-author of eight books, including &#8220;Do I Have To Give Up Me <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nTo Be Loved By You?&#8221; and &#8220;Healing Your Aloneness.&#8221; She is <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nthe co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nprocess. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nFREE Inner Bonding course: http:\/\/www.innerbonding.com or <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nemail her at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nSessions Available.<\/p>\n<p><b\/><\/p>\n<p><\/span><\/td>\n<\/div>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td class=\"article_bio\">Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including &#8220;Do I Have To Give Up Me <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nTo Be Loved By You?&#8221; and &#8220;Healing Your Aloneness.&#8221; She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nprocess. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site FREE Inner Bonding course.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nContact her at <a href=\"http:\/\/www.innerbonding.com\">http:\/\/www.innerbonding.com<\/a><\/td>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n            <\/tr>\n<\/table>\n<\/div>\n<p align=\"left\">\u00a0        <\/p>\n<p>&#13;\n      <\/td>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n    <\/tr>\n<\/table>\n<hr width=\"800\" noshade=\"noshade\"\/><a href=\"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/ADSENSEWEBSITES\">RETURN TO ADSENSE BUSINESS-IN-A-BOX MASTER ARTICLE INDEX<\/a><\/p>\n<hr width=\"800\" noshade=\"noshade\"\/>\n<div class=\"fb-share-button\" data-href=\"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/\" data-layout=\"button\" data-size=\"large\"><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/sharer\/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fon-line-interactivity.com%2F&amp;src=sdkpreparse\" class=\"fb-xfbml-parse-ignore\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Share<\/a><\/div>\n<p>&#13;<\/p>\n<div id=\"fb-root\"\/>&#13;<br \/>\n<script async=\"\" defer=\"defer\" crossorigin=\"anonymous\" src=\"https:\/\/connect.facebook.net\/en_US\/sdk.js#xfbml=1&amp;version=v4.0&amp;appId=103650273035821&amp;autoLogAppEvents=1\"\/><!-- End of FACEBOOK SHARE BUTTON CODE --><span class=\"style6\"><br \/><span class=\"style2\">\u00a92019 - All Rights Reserved by <a href=\"http:\/\/HelpMeFindFreedom.Online\">HelpMeFindFreedom.Online<\/a><br \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.website.ws\/kvmlm2\/my.dhtml?sponsor=geekzonehostingcom&amp;bannercode=gif002&amp;language=english\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/images.website.ws\/images\/english\/banners\/kvmlm2\/468x60_02.gif\" border=\"0\"\/><\/a><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n<\/body><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; \u00a0 &#13; \u00a0&#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; Article Navigation &#13; Back To &#13; Main Page &#13; &#13; &#13; \u00a0 &#13; Click Here &#13; for more articles &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; Speaking Your Truth to Your Partner &#13; by: &#13; [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5902","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-adsense-business-in-a-box"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5902","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5902"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5902\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5902"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5902"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5902"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}