{"id":6022,"date":"2019-10-05T22:06:32","date_gmt":"2019-10-05T22:06:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/2019\/10\/05\/internet-dating-over-50-i-want-companionship\/"},"modified":"2019-10-05T22:06:32","modified_gmt":"2019-10-05T22:06:32","slug":"internet-dating-over-50-i-want-companionship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/internet-dating-over-50-i-want-companionship\/","title":{"rendered":"Internet Dating Over 50   I Want Companionship"},"content":{"rendered":"<div style=\"margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px;\" class=\"sharethis-inline-share-buttons\" ><\/div><p><body>&#13;<\/p>\n<div align=\"center\">&#13;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\">&#13;<br \/>\n  <img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" border=\"0\" src=\"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/abbtop.jpg\" width=\"800\" height=\"120\"\/><\/a><br \/><a 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class=\"style7\">&#13;<br \/>\n                <font color=\"#FB7014\" size=\"4\" face=\"Tahoma\">Internet Dating Over 50:  I Want Companionship<\/font><\/span><\/div>\n<\/td>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n            <\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"left\" height=\"19\">\n<div align=\"justify\"><span class=\"style2\">by: &#13;<br \/>\n                <font size=\"3\" face=\"Times New Roman\" color=\"#FB7014\">Susan Dunn<\/font><\/span><\/div>\n<\/td>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n            <\/tr>\n<tr>\n<div id=\"article\">\n<td align=\"left\" height=\"12\"><span class=\"style2\"><br \/>&#13;<br \/>\n\u0093Internet Dating over 50:  I Want Companionship,\u0094<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nby Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nTrying to figure out what the other person is<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nlike, how you\u0092ll get along, what the potential is,<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nwhat the other is after, and what they mean by<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nwhat they say are just a few of the challenges in<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ndating at midlife.  In some ways it\u0092s easier on<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nthe Internet, and it\u0092s fast becoming the preferred<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nmethod of many midlifers.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nOne thing we certainly look for is someone who is<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ncompatible  enough.  Personally, I prefer the word \u0093complimentary,\u0094 as I relish those dynamic differences that enrich a relationship, and it gives a nod to the dictum that opposites do attract.  A psychologist once told me, as we observed an unlikely pair we both knew who had decided to marry, that \u0093men marry their conflicts.\u0094  What then is the woman doing? There\u0092s a ying and a yang to it all, yes?<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n\u0093Compatible\u0094 is used a lot, however, so let\u0092s<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nconsider \u0096 in what ways do you need to be<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ncompatible?  Shared values are crucial, and<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ncertain goals, such as what sort of financial<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nsituation you want.  How into traditional roles<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nyou are, and how family-oriented you are.  For<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nsome, sharing the same religion.  Certainly a<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ncouple should have the same general idea about<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nwhat a marriage is for, should provide, and can<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\naccomplish.  These can be conversed about, but to<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nassess the all-important \u0093chemistry,\u0094 you must<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nmeet in person.  Do it as soon as you know it\u0092s<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nsafe, I say.  You\u0092ll save yourself a lot of time<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n\u0093I was totally in love with him in writing,\u0094<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nMarsha told me.  \u0093We both thought we\u0092d met the<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nperson we\u0092d been waiting for for 30 years.  When<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nwe met at the airport, we both knew there was no<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nway.  In person it was too compatible, like<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nbrother and sister.  It\u0092s ironic.  Our 3-month<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nonline romance remains one of the highlights of my<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nlife.\u0094<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nAnother thing most of us want it \u0093companionship.\u0094<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\n(For complete coverage of this topic, see my<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\n\u0093Midlife Dating Survival Manual for Women\u0094.)  I<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nwant to caution you that it can mean just about<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nanything.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nIt can mean, when a man says he \u0093wants<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ncompanionship,\u0094 that he\u0092s no longer interested in,<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nor capable of sex.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nSome people mean \u0093recreational companionship\u0094, and<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nbeware.  It can mean \u0093recreational appendage.\u0094<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nI\u0092m thinking of one man I dated who was retired,<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nand it turned out he wanted me to play tennis with<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nhim every morning, golf every afternoon, then take<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nwalks or go dancing every night, and go hiking on<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nthe weekends.  A meal might be thrown in when<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nnecessary, for fuel, and talking, too, as long as<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nit was factual and related to the task at hand.<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nOh, and the second morning of tennis (and last),<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nhe arrived with a bucket of balls and told me to<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\n\u0093stand over there\u0094, as he was going to teach me<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nhow to serve.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nThe Italians say, \u0093The first woman a man marries<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nis his wife.  The second is for companionship.<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nThe third is nonsense.\u0094<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nI want a full relationship, not just a sports<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nbuddy, and whether I\u0092m the man\u0092s first or second<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nwife, I want to be the last, and a wife, not an<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nobject.  Yes, I love sports, but I love many<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nthings, and most of all, I want to love a MAN.<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nThat means I want emotional and intellectual<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ncompanionship, as well as recreational.  If the<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nperson\u0092s completely polarized and just after a<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nwarm body for one specific thing, and you want a<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nfull relationship, better to find our sooner<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nrather than later.  I\u0092ve been thrilled when I\u0092ve<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nfound \u0093the perfect tennis partner,\u0094 but I wouldn\u0092t<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nmarry for that, would you?  He or she might.<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nBeware.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nNow let\u0092s look at what people have said in actual<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nonline profiles.  Ladies first:<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nI enjoy having a nice companion to share good<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ntimes with. The person I would like to be with<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nwill have a great sense of humor and the ability<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nto converse on many subjects.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nTo be able to discuss something in a loving and<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nunderstanding manner is a cornerstone of a good<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nrelationship!<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nSharing events and activities with a special<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nperson is very important to a happy life. I enjoy<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ndoing a multitude of things and over the years<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nhave been active in community events as both<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\norganizer and volunteer.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nNow from the men:<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nI want to enjoy life with someone special and<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nshare things they like to do and things I like to<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ndo.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nDancing is important to me, but it\u0092s not that you<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nhave to be a pro. Indeed, if you do not dance at<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nall that is probably best.  Raw material!  I also<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nlove to read, go to films, plays, and rarely stay<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nhome. So I suppose someone who enjoys that kind of<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nactivity.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nNo couch potatoes please.  Someone who likes what<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nI like \u0096 biking, hiking, working out, and boating.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nThe dance partner guy wants a dance partner, not a relationship; \u0093raw material,\u0094 as he calls it. Reading, plays, and films aren\u0092t shared activities.  The home he rarely stays in sounds more like a base of operations.  Of course I\u0092m guessing.  The thing is, read your own profile through the eyes of someone else, or work with a coach so that you say what you mean.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nThe woman who asks for \u0093a nice companion to share<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ngood times with\u0094?  Whenever I read or hear this,<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nor it\u0092s cousin, \u0093I just want to have fun,\u0094 I know<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nthey aren\u0092t talking about marriage.  I\u0092d love to<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nshare fun and good times with someone, but I\u0092d<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nalso like them to stick around if and when it<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nisn\u0092t such fun.  I want someone who will walk<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nthrough the fire with me.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nThat doesn\u0092t mean, as one man interpreted it, walk<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nthrough the fire FOR me.  I\u0092m not looking for<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nsomeone who will fight all my battles for me<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\n(though some would be nice).  I\u0092m looking for a<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nman who doesn\u0092t disappear when one of the<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ngrandchildren has a stroke, or shut down after a<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nfight, or refuse to deal with it when one of the<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nkids is in rehab, or disconnect when he gets laid<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\noff.  Walking THROUGH fire means staying present \u0096<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nphysically, and connected \u0096 emotionally, when<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nthings get rough.  When things are going well,<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nit\u0092s easy.  The test of a person\u0092s character and<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ncommitment is what happens when it\u0092s not fun.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nThe no-couch-potatoes guy?  He\u0092ll likely drag you<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nhappily around sports courts, but if you want to<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ndo something active that he doesn\u0092t like, like<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nshopping, I bet he\u0092ll redefine \u0093active.\u0094  But you<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nknow that because he ingenuously tells you he<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nmeans things HE likes to do.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nThe woman who wants to share activities and then<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nmentions her community involvement?  I\u0092ve seen<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\npeople marry because they were united around a<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ncause, but generally the cause dies, and there<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nneeds to be a lot else there.  Check it out.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n\u0093We hit it off because we were both animal<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nactivists,\u0094 Cheryl said.  \u0093The problem was, I got<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ntired of it after a while, and it turned out it<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nwas his entire life.  If he\u0092d treated me the way<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nhe treated out dog, we\u0092d still be together.\u0094<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nMost people really do reveal a lot in their<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nprofiles, if you\u0092re willing to take off the<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nblinders and see it.  At the same time, you need<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nto create your own profile in a way that doesn\u0092t<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nmislead others.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nKudos to those who say, \u0093I doubt I\u0092ll remarry,\u0094 or<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\n\u0093I\u0092m looking for someone to sail around the world<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nwith me for 3 months,\u0094 or \u0093I\u0092m looking for the<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nlast love of my life.\u0094  When you know what you<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nwant, and speak it clearly, you\u0092re more likely to<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nget it.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nKeep your eyes open, love like you\u0092ve never been<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nhurt, and know that if it\u0092s possible in the<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nuniverse, it\u0092s possible for you.<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nGood luck!<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n\u00a9Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach,<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nhttp:\/\/www.susandunn.cc .  Coaching, Internet<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ncourses and ebooks you need, when you need it.<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nCoaching is convenient, affordable and it works.<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nCoach training and certification.  Email me for<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ninfo on this fast, affordable, comprehensive,<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nno-residency program.  Training coaches worldwide.<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nFor FREE EQ ezine, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc .<\/p>\n<p><b\/><\/p>\n<p><\/span><\/td>\n<\/div>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td class=\"article_bio\">Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach,<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nhttp:\/\/www.susandunn.cc .  Coaching, Internet<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ncourses and ebooks you need, when you need it.<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nCoaching is convenient, affordable and it works.<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nCoach training and certification.  Email me for<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ninfo on this fast, affordable, comprehensive,<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nno-residency program.  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