{"id":6031,"date":"2019-10-05T22:06:32","date_gmt":"2019-10-05T22:06:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/2019\/10\/05\/relationships-giving-to-get\/"},"modified":"2019-10-05T22:06:32","modified_gmt":"2019-10-05T22:06:32","slug":"relationships-giving-to-get","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/relationships-giving-to-get\/","title":{"rendered":"Relationships  Giving To Get"},"content":{"rendered":"<div style=\"margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px;\" class=\"sharethis-inline-share-buttons\" ><\/div><p><body>&#13;<\/p>\n<div align=\"center\">&#13;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\">&#13;<br \/>\n  <img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" border=\"0\" src=\"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/abbtop.jpg\" width=\"800\" height=\"120\"\/><\/a><br \/><a 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class=\"style7\">&#13;<br \/>\n                <font color=\"#FB7014\" size=\"4\" face=\"Tahoma\">Relationships: Giving to Get<\/font><\/span><\/div>\n<\/td>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n            <\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"left\" height=\"19\">\n<div align=\"justify\"><span class=\"style2\">by: &#13;<br \/>\n                <font size=\"3\" face=\"Times New Roman\" color=\"#FB7014\">Margaret Paul<\/font><\/span><\/div>\n<\/td>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n            <\/tr>\n<tr>\n<div id=\"article\">\n<td align=\"left\" height=\"12\"><span class=\"style2\">Relationships: Giving to Get <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nBy Margaret Paul, Ph.D. <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nAre you giving love to your partner for the joy of giving, <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nor are you giving to get love? <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nI received the following email on this topic, asking for my <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nhelp: <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n&#8220;Hi, my name is Adam. I am living with my parents and I&#8217;m <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nthinking of moving out with my girlfriend Patty. But there <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nare some things that make me feel upset, and I don&#8217;t really <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nknow what to do. I love her but she doesn&#8217;t seem to be the <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nperson she was. At times she feels bad and upset. These <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nperiods last for about 4 &#8211; 5 days. During these times she <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nseems more distant and our sex life just stops. This makes <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nme frustrated because for the past year I have been working <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nso hard to try and make her feel better when she feels bad. <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nI thought that it was working but now it seems nothing I do <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nworks. I miss the old times because she kissed me randomly <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nall day and it made me feel so loved and wanted. She would <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nhold me, and tell me great things. It was like a fantasy. <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nNow, I&#8217;m lucky if she kisses me at least once in about 3 <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nhours. I actually start all of the kissing. I start all of <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nthe holding. It feels like I have to start everything. <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nMainly at times it feels like she just wants me as a friend. <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nShe doesn&#8217;t make me feel loved or wanted. My feelings about <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nthis come and go mainly around the times when she feels bad. <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nBut these feelings also come around sometimes when she is <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nnot feeling bad. <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nI just don&#8217;t have a clue what to do, and I need some help.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nAdam is giving to get. He wants control over getting Patty <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nto validate his worth and fill him up. He is fine as long as <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nPatty is having sex with him and kissing him a lot and <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nmaking him feel &#8220;loved and wanted.&#8221; But, because Adam is not <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ndoing anything to make himself feel loved and wanted, he is <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\naddicted to Patty doing this. He is not giving his love to <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nPatty from a full place inside, a place inside filled with <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nlove. Instead, he is empty inside and hopes that if he <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\n&#8220;works hard&#8221; and is nice to Patty, he can have control over <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ngetting her to fill his empty hole. As a result, Patty feels <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\npulled on to take responsibility for Adam&#8217;s wellbeing, and <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nbecomes upset and distant in the face of the pull. She is <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ngetting turned off to Adam and just wants him as a friend <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nbecause his neediness is not attractive to her. When sex is <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\na way for Adam to get validated &#8211; rather than an expression <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nof his love &#8211; Patty will feel used rather than loved. when <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nthey have sex.  <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nNothing will change in this relationship until Adam decides <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nto learn how to take responsibility for his own good <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nfeelings rather than expect Patty to do it for him. Patty <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nwants him to come to her as a powerful and secure man, not <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nas a needy little boy needing her constant kisses to feel <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nokay about himself. <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nAdam needs to take his eyes off how Patty is treating him <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nand instead focus on how he is treating himself and Patty. <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nHe needs to open to learning about what he is telling <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nhimself and how he is treating himself that is causing his <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nemptiness and neediness. He needs to stop being a victim of <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nPatty&#8217;s behavior and instead focus within on what he needs <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nto do for himself, for the little boy within him that wants <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nlove and attention. He would have love to share with Patty <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nif he were to focus on giving himself love and attention and <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\non making himself happy, instead of trying to make Patty <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nhappy in the hopes that she will make him happy. As it is, <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nhe is just trying to get love &#8211; giving to get. <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nAdam is coming from a very common false belief \u0096 that our <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nbest feelings come from being loved and desired. The truth <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nis that our best feelings come from being loving to <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nourselves and to others. Adam won&#8217;t know this until he <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\ndecides to change his intention from trying to have control <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nover getting love to learning about being loving. <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nAbout The Author:<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nMargaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nco-author of eight books, including &#8220;Do I Have To Give Up Me <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nTo Be Loved By You?&#8221; and &#8220;Healing Your Aloneness.&#8221; She is <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nthe co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nprocess. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nFREE Inner Bonding course: http:\/\/www.innerbonding.com or <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nemail her at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nSessions Available.<\/p>\n<p><b\/><\/p>\n<p><\/span><\/td>\n<\/div>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td class=\"article_bio\">Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nco-author of eight books, including &#8220;Do I Have To Give Up Me <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nTo Be Loved By You?&#8221; and &#8220;Healing Your Aloneness.&#8221; She is <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nthe co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nprocess. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nFREE Inner Bonding course: http:\/\/www.innerbonding.com or <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nemail her at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone <br \/>&#13;<br \/>\nSessions Available.  <\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\nContact him at <a href=\"http:\/\/www.innerbonding.com\">http:\/\/www.innerbonding.com<\/a><\/td>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n            <\/tr>\n<\/table>\n<\/div>\n<p align=\"left\">\u00a0        <\/p>\n<p>&#13;\n      <\/td>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n    <\/tr>\n<\/table>\n<hr width=\"800\" noshade=\"noshade\"\/><a href=\"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/ADSENSEWEBSITES\">RETURN TO ADSENSE BUSINESS-IN-A-BOX MASTER ARTICLE INDEX<\/a><\/p>\n<hr width=\"800\" noshade=\"noshade\"\/>\n<div class=\"fb-share-button\" data-href=\"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/\" data-layout=\"button\" data-size=\"large\"><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/sharer\/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fon-line-interactivity.com%2F&amp;src=sdkpreparse\" class=\"fb-xfbml-parse-ignore\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Share<\/a><\/div>\n<p>&#13;<\/p>\n<div id=\"fb-root\"\/>&#13;<br \/>\n<script async=\"\" defer=\"defer\" crossorigin=\"anonymous\" src=\"https:\/\/connect.facebook.net\/en_US\/sdk.js#xfbml=1&amp;version=v4.0&amp;appId=103650273035821&amp;autoLogAppEvents=1\"\/><!-- End of FACEBOOK SHARE BUTTON CODE --><span class=\"style6\"><br \/><span class=\"style2\">\u00a92019 - All Rights Reserved by <a href=\"http:\/\/HelpMeFindFreedom.Online\">HelpMeFindFreedom.Online<\/a><br \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.website.ws\/kvmlm2\/my.dhtml?sponsor=geekzonehostingcom&amp;bannercode=gif002&amp;language=english\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/images.website.ws\/images\/english\/banners\/kvmlm2\/468x60_02.gif\" border=\"0\"\/><\/a><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n<\/body><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; \u00a0 &#13; \u00a0&#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; Article Navigation &#13; Back To &#13; Main Page &#13; &#13; &#13; \u00a0 &#13; Click Here &#13; for more articles &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; &#13; Relationships: Giving to Get &#13; by: &#13; Margaret Paul [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6031","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-adsense-business-in-a-box"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6031","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6031"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6031\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6031"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6031"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6031"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}