{"id":7318,"date":"2019-10-05T22:20:15","date_gmt":"2019-10-05T22:20:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/2019\/10\/05\/how-stressed-out-are-you\/"},"modified":"2019-10-05T22:20:15","modified_gmt":"2019-10-05T22:20:15","slug":"how-stressed-out-are-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/how-stressed-out-are-you\/","title":{"rendered":"How Stressed Out Are You"},"content":{"rendered":"<div style=\"margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px;\" class=\"sharethis-inline-share-buttons\" ><\/div><p><body>&#13;<\/p>\n<div align=\"center\">&#13;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\">&#13;<br \/>\n  <img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" border=\"0\" src=\"https:\/\/on-line-interactivity.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/abbtop.jpg\" width=\"800\" height=\"120\"\/><\/a><br \/><a 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class=\"style7\">&#13;<br \/>\n                <font color=\"#FB7014\" size=\"4\" face=\"Tahoma\">How Stressed Out Are YOU?<\/font><\/span><\/div>\n<\/td>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n            <\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"left\" height=\"19\">\n<div align=\"justify\"><span class=\"style2\">by: &#13;<br \/>\n                <font size=\"3\" face=\"Times New Roman\" color=\"#FB7014\">Dr. David Thomas<\/font><\/span><\/div>\n<\/td>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n            <\/tr>\n<tr>\n<div id=\"article\">\n<td align=\"left\" height=\"12\"><span class=\"style2\">How Stressed-Out Are YOU?&#13;<\/p>\n<p>Are you feeling stressed out? Too many things to do, too little time?  One more thing added to the To-Do list and you feel like you\u0092ll explode?&#13;<\/p>\n<p>Whoa there, no exploding allowed! You can handle it\u0097just listen in.&#13;<\/p>\n<p>Listen? To what?  &#13;<\/p>\n<p>To your self-talk.  Not yourself talk, but your SELF-TALK.  Listen in to the demands you\u0092re making of your time, but more importantly listen in to how you\u0092re saying them and what you\u0092re saying.&#13;<\/p>\n<p>Many of us don\u0092t pay particular attention to what we\u0092re saying to ourselves.  We\u0092ve never been taught the importance of how damaging it can be to us nor have we been shown that we can use it to feel much better.  You can literally un-stress yourself by using your own self-talk.&#13;<\/p>\n<p>Listen in for \u0096need-, -have-to-, -must-, type statements that you make to yourself.&#13;<\/p>\n<p>\t\u0093First I need to drop the kids off, then I have-to go to the grocery store, then I need to stop at the bank, then I have-to get home and work on those taxes before having to go back out and pick up the kids.\u0094&#13;<\/p>\n<p>You\u0092ve just created a lot of demands on yourself.  And yes, in order for your life to continue like you want, you would prefer to do all those things just like that.  But you don\u0092t NEED to, HAVE-TO or MUST.&#13;<\/p>\n<p>By using demanding statements on yourself, you open up a lot of opportunities to say irrational things to yourself that create stress.&#13;<\/p>\n<p>When you use demanding statements, you then create a scenario of \u0093what-if\u0094 in your head.  And when the \u0093what-if\u0092s\u0094 back-up, then watch out stress level!&#13;<\/p>\n<p>\u0093What if I don\u0092t get it done, what if I don\u0092t get there in time to get the kids, what if this, what if that.\u0094   This is when you really go into stress mode!&#13;<\/p>\n<p>Asking such open-ended questions is the origin much of your stress. You often answer with \u0093that would be awful, that would be terrible\u0094 which compounds the stressful feelings even more. &#13;<\/p>\n<p>Since awful and terrible are labels way beyond bad, (actually labels that are beyond definition) you\u0092ve created a situation in your head that ends up with you saying to yourself \u0093\u0085and I couldn\u0092t stand it if that happened,\u0094 or \u0093\u0085I couldn\u0092t stand feeling that way!\u0094&#13;<\/p>\n<p>It\u0092s indeed a vicious cycle of thinking that is common to all of us. Fortunately, once you know how, you can think your way out of these situations as quickly as you got in.&#13;<\/p>\n<p>So where do you start? &#13;<\/p>\n<p>First, flag such have-to, must, need-to statements in your head. Then replace the needs, musts and have-tos with preferences, desires, and wants.&#13;<\/p>\n<p>Then when something doesn\u0092t go according to your desires, reduce the awfuls and terribles to simply, bad.  Then rest-assure yourself that you can stand it.&#13;<\/p>\n<p>What if you don\u0092t make it to the bank? What if you\u0092re late picking up the kids?? Well, it\u0092s not what you wanted, it may indeed even have consequences which may be bad, but in the overall scheme of things it isn\u0092t awful and you CAN stand it.&#13;<\/p>\n<p>A great deal of stress is caused from within by this \u0093I-can\u0092t-stand-it-it is.\u0094  &#13;<\/p>\n<p>Remember: whenever you hear yourself saying \u0093need-to, have-to, got-to, etc\u0094 replace it with want-to or would like to. Substitute needs with desires; musts with preferences.&#13;<\/p>\n<p>And remind yourself that awful things will not happen if your desires are not met. You may not like the results if things don\u0092t go your way, but you can indeed stand the feelings. It may not be good if things don\u0092t fall into place like you want, but the world will continue to spin and you will be able to handle it.&#13;<\/p>\n<p>It takes some practice. Don\u0092t expect it to happen for you like magic. Pay attention to your self-talk, listen for the what-if statements, flag the must and need statements. Dispute them with wants and desires. Do it vigorously. With time it will become second nature, and you\u0092ll notice the lack of stress in your life.&#13;<\/p>\n<p>&#13;<br \/>\n About the author:<br \/>&#13;<br \/>\n &#13;<br \/>\n  Dr. David L. Thomas, LMHC <br \/>Dr. Thomas is a mental health counselor and psychotherapist. He has helped literally thousands of people over the past 21 years overcome stress, depression, anxiety, anger, substance abuse, relationship problems, and more. 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