Adsense Business-In-A-Box

Dating After Divorce: Things To Think About Regarding Dating After Divorce Copyright © 2005 Karl Augustine A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com/

Dating after divorce is a much debated topic due to the

psychological and emotional impact it can have on people. Dating

after divorce can be complex, too often divorcees don’t consider

the ramifications of dating after divorce before they jump into

it with both feet!

If you’re going to start dating again after you’ve gotten a

divorce, there’s quite few things that you should consider

beforehand…here’s a partial list you might want to think

about:

Dating after divorce consideration 1: Make sure that you are

aware of your own level of self-confidence.

If are considering dating after divorce, be certain that you are

either confident in yourself as a person or are at least aware of

your level of self-confidence so you can plan accordingly. Self- confidence will help you to remain lucid when you’re dating after

divorce. Choosing who to date and why you want to date them can

be a major turning point in your emotional health after a

divorce. If you’re self-confident, chances are good that you’ll

be able to handle being rejected or ignored if you’re just

beginning a relationship.

If you’re truly self-confident, you’ll be able to have the right

mind set before you begin dating after divorce and any potential

let down will be foreseen by you and “non-damaging” to your

emotional state. Self confidence is perhaps the most important

thing to think about from an emotional health perspective

regarding dating after divorce.

Dating after divorce consideration 2: How quickly should you date

after getting a divorce?

Fortunately, this is really only a question that you can answer,

assuming your divorce is truly over with and you don’t have a

custody battle that’s ongoing, a dispute about assets or

finances, or any other type of lingering agreement that needs to

be reached that could be impaired by dating. If you have

children, this is a question of their strength and the strength

of your relationship with them.

If you don’t have children, this decision is entirely up to you

regarding how you’ll approach dating after divorce. Ask yourself

how ready you really are to date again…depending on what you

want out of dating after divorce, i.e., what the end result is to

any solid dating relationship, will drive how quickly you date

again. If you’re simply lonely and think you need to date again

just for the sake of dating or to test how you’ll respond to

dating, you may want to do a serious self evaluation regarding

your confidence level. You will know when you’re ready again to

begin dating after divorce – everyone’s different. Know yourself

first, then make the decision.

Dating after divorce consideration 3: Should I date while going

through a divorce?

Most coaches, attorneys, and counselors will tell you that dating

while going through a divorce is never a good thing to do from a

psychological perspective and a legal perspective. While this

article isn’t a form of legal advice, common sense tells you that

if you’re in any type of battle regarding marital assets or

custody, avoid any dating.

>From an emotional health perspective, dating while going through

a divorce can be damaging to you and your “soon to be” ex-spouse.

You’ll be much more mature after the divorce if you self evaluate

to figure out how you contributed to the events that lead to your

divorce. Handling yourself in a caring and sturdy emotional

manner during a divorce can be an extremely difficult thing to

do…but, it is a terrific growing and learning process. Make use

of it! Grow as a person and learn about yourself, and you’ll be

far better off after the divorce is final.

Dating after divorce consideration 4: Consider that you may have

a tendency to date someone completely opposite from your spouse

and realize that this isn’t healthy.

Dating after divorce is tricky! Be smart, realize that the pain

you may have felt at the hands of your spouse can naturally lead

you to want to date someone who is an opposite of your ex. It is

a reasonable and natural reaction because you might want to avoid

having any pain whatsoever or you may not want to deal with

anyone who might remind you of your ex-spouse.

If you find yourself looking for someone who is your ex’s

opposite when dating after divorce, take a deep breath and ask

yourself if this tactic is truly healthy for you. If you answer

‘yes’, then you’re saying that there was nothing good about your

spouse and that you’re a poor decision maker or else you would

have never gotten married to your ex in the first place!

Instead, think of the things you’d like to see in someone that

would make you want to date them and look at the person in and of

themselves only. If you see something in them that reminds you of

your ex-spouse, decide whether that something is a good trait or

an undesirable trait. Only then can you decide about that person

in positive fashion. Your spouse has or had some good traits,

define what they are and don’t be afraid to see those traits in

someone that you are dating after divorce.

Dating after divorce consideration 5: Do what you need to in

order to have a positive outlook on your future after your

divorce.

When thinking about dating after divorce, and all the possible

fires that can go with it, keep in mind that you need to feel

good about yourself to be lucid. A positive outlook on life is

key to everything else, and all the future decisions that you

will make after your divorce. Go and do fun things with friends

and get out! You should certainly keep your guard up but don’t be

overly critical of everything or you may get so paralyzed be your

analysis that you never actually “get in the game.” Your frame of

mind on any relationship – friend or not – after divorce is key

factor to your happiness. Keeping a clear head and heart is a

healthy thing. If you keep these considerations in mind, you’ll

have a much better time when dating after divorce.