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 Listening To Your Partner

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In my private practice for over 14 years no matter what my clients have
come to see me about, there has always been an issue about a better
relationship.

Here are 7 of the most common misconceptions my clients have related to
me about having a better relationship. These misconceptions are followed
by my perspective on each one of them.

Myth 1 I have to love everything about my partner

Reality Check 1

You were born pure and pristine. You then learnt behaviors from your
parents, teacher, coaches, church etc. (who did their best to teach you
about a better relationship). These behaviors have become the backbone for
your way of living and having a better relationship.

Perhaps a common behavior that irritates having a better relationship
would be leaving the toilet seat up after use. This is merely a behavior
and not the essence of the person. However, when you may consider this
behavior to be the person, this destroys the concept of a better
relationship, creating all kinds of conflict in your need for a better
relationship.

Myth 2 Love means that I can fix your partner

Reality Check 2

You met your partner because of some special quality or charteristic
that you admired. You need to accept and allow that quality to flourish in
order to allow you and your partner to grow into a better relationship.

You may be unaware that you do not even like yourself. Yet by allowing
your partner to grow and expand, you will experience the quality of your
partner and the beauty within you, as you begin to enjoy a better
relationship.

Myth 3

I am supposed to give up the things I like in order to be in a better
relationship.

Reality Check 3

Giving up the things you like to be in a better relationship is like
take a knife and cutting away a part of yourself.

Your better relationship is based on the uniqueness of you and your
partner.

When you give up your uniqueness you rob yourself of a better
relationship, your passion and your partner of your creativity.

Myth 4 I will be rescued by a knight in shining armour

Reality Check 4

You may have been conditioned to live your life expecting someone to
take care of you. What happens if that person becomes ill? and is no
longer able to take care of you.

Your responsibility in creating a better relationship, is to bring your
passion to the table of your relationship. Some days you will be the
knight in shining armour and another day your partner will be the knight
in shining armour of a better relationship.

You will each get a chance to shine like star in a better relationship
because of your strengths and weaknesses.

Myth 5 It cost a lot to be in a relationship

Reality Check 5

In a material context, a better relationship can be expensive if you
think that love is based on the bigger house, car or boat. Although some
of these material assets are necessary, they should not be at the expense
of creating a better relationship.

Love is creating a better relationship by building a relationship that
is based on the simple things in life, like walking and holding hands,
going on a picnic (just the two of you), or sharing an ice cream.

Love in a better relationship is not about what you show on the outside
but what you express in you heart. Love is not about money or materialism,
love just is.

Myth 6 Love in a relationship is or is not a feeling

Reality Check 6

It is not what you say, it is what you do. You can say, “I love you”
which may be merely words and no feelings (action). Love is the action of
doing.

If you make a cup of tea for yourself, (the water is boiled), make a
cup of tea for your partner. Whether your partner wants the tea or not is
irrelevant, it is the thought that counts and the action that cements a
better relationship.

Myth 7 I don’t have to work at my relationship

Reality Check 7

As a child, you learned to creep before you walked. Then you learned
the letters of the alphabet. In order to write, you had to learn how to
put those letters together to make words and sentences.

These sentences then become the way in which you communicated.

When you and your partner stop communicating after learning how to use
the letters of the alphabet in sentences, it’s like 2 tape recorders
talking to each other – Nobody is at home to enjoy a better relationship.

In summary:

1. Your partner’s behavior in a better relationship is not your
partner’s true essence.

2. There is no need to have a clone of yourself. A better relationship
requires some variety.

3. Giving up of your uniqueness to be in a better relationship is like
throwing out the baby with the bath water.

4. In a better relationship there are no superior partners, just equal
partners.

5. Love in creating a better relationship is not about money and the
material assets (although there are important) but the simple things in
life.

6. Love in a better relationship is active not passive.

7. Lack of communication crushes your desire for a better relationship.